1. She believes she is a doll and thinks she's more important than life itself.
2. When she is single her net pay is Ksh. 20,000 but her rent is 15,000, Transport 5,000, clothing 5,000 and food 10,000. Where else does she get all the extra money?
3. She’s never happy without wealth, knows nothing about budgeting and lives beyond her means.
4. Bigoted equality dominates her mind. She's not capable of rational thinking.
5. Count your stars if she ever says "Thank you." No matter what!
6. Nothing will stop her from cheating. If you should ever get broke, just run for the gutters, she'll soon start bringing other guys home.
7. Artificial nails, artificial hair, artificial skin-colour, artificial hips,artificial breasts, artificial eye lashes. You can't even tell what she really looks like.
8. Drinking is part of her diet.
9. At age 8, you take her to bed and tell her a story.
10. At age 18, you tell her a story and take her to bed.
11. At 28, You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
12. At 38, she tells you a story and takes you to bed.
13. At 48, you tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
14. At 58, you stay in bed to avoid her story.
15. At 68,i f you take her to bed, that will be a story.
16. Binge drinking and unprotected sex is her idea of fun.
17. She was brought up by the househelp and has no family values. She can't even clean after herself.
18. She believes the world owes her everything and she deserves it all. So you must be prepared to do all and sundry for her.
19. Courtesy, kindness, virtue and self-respect are a foreign language to her.
20. Her mindset is controlled by Maina and King'ang'i, Soap Operas, socialites (using that word in it's slightest form) and celebrities. She can't think for herself.
21. She'll always be telling you, "Daddy this... mommy that...."
22. She can't hold an intellectual conversation. The only things she can talk about is what some musician or artist did. Or some other times narrate annoying details of her nightlife.
23. She wastes a lot of time in idle gossip.
24. When she is single, her monthly expenses barely hit Kshs
30,000. When she finds a rich guy, this quickly breaks into the hundreds of thousands.
25. 90% of the Nairobi women you knew to be black 3 years ago are now white.
26. She knows nothing about commitment and will throw herself at the next available guy should you have the slightest of disagreements.
27. She believes posting nude and semi-nude pictures on the web makes her famous.
28. She has been brought up to believe it's her body you want.
29. She treats herself as a product rather than a human.
30. Her written language needs work. What with the lol, tnk, nyt..... they must be very lazy too.
31. She'll run after anything that drives a blue Subaru.
32. She'll break her legs running for free Smirnoff and Blue Moon.
33. At age 33, she'll look far much older than you.
Bonus point: She's a zombie who walks with head permanently bowed on her smartphone. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Whatsapp are her world and she can't tell the difference from reality.
So if you are ever thinking of marrying a Nairobi woman, double check, do your homework before you commit to a lifetime of desperation and ruin. Otherwise, just have the fun and get moving.
ALSO READ:
The Nairobi Woman, Full edition
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